Comments on: The Sexless Wife – Marriage & Frustrated Husbands

By: Ray

Ray — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 18:24:49 +0000

Seems that men are always the ones that have to do something. I can’t tell you how many times my “significant other” has initiated sex and then changed her mind. That’s right; she has actually dis-robed and backed out. So I just accepted that fact that we are sexless. If she does not want to have sex with me, fine. I don’t want to have sex with her either. I can and have adjusted. The subject doesn’t get discussed. It did a few times before but I know longer care.

By: Sonny

Sonny — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 16:25:59 +0000

This is absolutely ridiculous. Reading this made me angry.
I see how this advice will help the clueless or people who have some very minor problem with sex in their relationship. But lets be honest – the vast majority of people with this problem will not get it “solved”. The best I have seen is that someone in the marriage (usualy the man) has to ‘settle’ and ‘solve’ the problem by doing something like “changing expectations” which is code for “give up”, as in give up on the reality of ever having a decent sex life with one partner.
I spent years trying to solve my wife’s sexlessness, just to find out it was all for naught. She simply isn’t that sexual, totally happy to have sex a couple times a year for special occasions, like an anniversary or birthday. Anymore than that is too much. There is no ‘trick’ or otherwise to ‘solve’ this. Being “nicer”, talking her into it, seeing a counselor – no.
I think what makes me angry is all the time, hope, and blood/sweat/tears that was wasted on this. It was like playing a game where the goal kept getting moved.
And just to find out years later there was no hope of winning, ever. Why?! Because her ideal, in a perfect world, is to have sex a couple of times a year.
This is why guys become gay.

By: Gail Woolrich

Gail Woolrich — Sun, 02 May 2010 14:53:24 +0000

What if from the very start “he was never my cup of tea” in the sex department and though I told him so we ended up living together anyway for financial and emotional reasons. (He had just separated from his wife of 25 years of which most of and for sure the last 10 was sexless, he had a separate room). I was recovering from a mental breakdown and really hurting from the end of loving, sexually fulfilling relationship that just wasn’t going to go to the next level. After 4 years, I just had to be honest and said I could not stand him poking at me and he and I can’t blame him feels he cannot live another 10 years of no sex. We are in our 50′s and 60′s. Is this different from what your couples are suffering from? We have decided that I need to leave (the house is his). Now there are many other little things that really irk me about him, he is clingy, suspicious, likes to listen to my conversations etc. etc. lazy (even my 83 year old dad thinks so). Nevertheless the thought of leaving and starting again, we have made a home, I wonder if.. Sorry to go on but I think you get the picture.

By: tony

tony — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 07:14:09 +0000

Hi Moss,

I never said that you are the only one, I suggested that it is not possible to simply believe that your partner will magically change.

You need to start the process and the easiest thing to change is your own actions.

From your comment it sounds like you have not really communicated with your wife about this and you are bitter about it.

I would suggest you have a look at your stance on this and maybe have a look at the e-book I recommend on this site too.

By: Moss

Moss — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 03:51:17 +0000

This is a silly comment. How can you possibly think that searching deep within myself for wrongs within can fix things. My wife refuses to make love because she refuses, period so, i think there is something within her not me. What if other women are attracted to me while she holds back on the loving I so desperately needs and in the process weakens me to the lure of the fruit of another?