Having a sexless wife is a crushing blow to any guys manhood. Swaying between feeling that you are somehow to blame to the other end of the spectrum where you blame them for deliberately holding out as some sort of long standing punishment for perceived wrongs. In any case, a sexless marriage where the wife refuses sex and never initiates sex frustrating and self perpetuating.
A vicious cycle can emerge here that hinders what you really need to do to fix your sexless marriage.
- Wife refuses to make love
- Husband becomes resentful
- Husband takes out resentment in petty ways on his wife
- Wife becomes resentful of husbands actions
- Communication and intimacy break down and more resentment and barriers continue to be erected.
It is amazing how quickly the real issues can be buried beneath a pile of anger and inconsiderate actions. I believed for instance that if my wife no longer was interested in making me feel good I would refuse to do anything that made her feel good. My limited romantic nature completely dried up and I became more self focused and less interested in doing many of the small things that she used to take for granted.
This of course is very stupid because she never saw this as revenge for her low libido but simply thought I was being rude and inconsiderate thus building the wall of resentment that stifled all intimacy and made us a completely sexless couple for over a year!
Only now standing at the edge of that pit we dug can i see the folly. When you are there it is more difficult to fathom just how wrong both of us were for our actions.
My advice is that if you are living with a sexless wife then as hard as it may be YOU need to be the one that makes the effort and the sacrifices to find a solution. You must be the one who takes a positive step. YOU must be the one who realizes that change comes first from within and then you can bring your wife out of her sexless marriage mentality.
From here communication can flow, the layers of invisible boundaries you have built together and be broken down and you can start applying the romance and begin again essentially to bring back the passion.