The Sexless Wife – Marriage & Frustrated Husbands
Having a sexless wife is a crushing blow to any guys manhood. Swaying between feeling that you are somehow to blame to the other end of the spectrum where you blame them for deliberately holding out as some sort of long standing punishment for perceived wrongs. In any case, a sexless marriage where the wife refuses sex and never initiates sex frustrating and self perpetuating.
A vicious cycle can emerge here that hinders what you really need to do to fix your sexless marriage.
- Wife refuses to make love
- Husband becomes resentful
- Husband takes out resentment in petty ways on his wife
- Wife becomes resentful of husbands actions
- Communication and intimacy break down and more resentment and barriers continue to be erected.
It is amazing how quickly the real issues can be buried beneath a pile of anger and inconsiderate actions. I believed for instance that if my wife no longer was interested in making me feel good I would refuse to do anything that made her feel good. My limited romantic nature completely dried up and I became more self focused and less interested in doing many of the small things that she used to take for granted.
This of course is very stupid because she never saw this as revenge for her low libido but simply thought I was being rude and inconsiderate thus building the wall of resentment that stifled all intimacy and made us a completely sexless couple for over a year!
Only now standing at the edge of that pit we dug can i see the folly. When you are there it is more difficult to fathom just how wrong both of us were for our actions.
My advice is that if you are living with a sexless wife then as hard as it may be YOU need to be the one that makes the effort and the sacrifices to find a solution. You must be the one who takes a positive step. YOU must be the one who realizes that change comes first from within and then you can bring your wife out of her sexless marriage mentality.
From here communication can flow, the layers of invisible boundaries you have built together and be broken down and you can start applying the romance and begin again essentially to bring back the passion.
~ Tony
April 7th, 2010 at 3:51 am
This is a silly comment. How can you possibly think that searching deep within myself for wrongs within can fix things. My wife refuses to make love because she refuses, period so, i think there is something within her not me. What if other women are attracted to me while she holds back on the loving I so desperately needs and in the process weakens me to the lure of the fruit of another?
April 8th, 2010 at 7:14 am
Hi Moss,
I never said that you are the only one, I suggested that it is not possible to simply believe that your partner will magically change.
You need to start the process and the easiest thing to change is your own actions.
From your comment it sounds like you have not really communicated with your wife about this and you are bitter about it.
I would suggest you have a look at your stance on this and maybe have a look at the e-book I recommend on this site too.
May 2nd, 2010 at 2:53 pm
What if from the very start “he was never my cup of tea” in the sex department and though I told him so we ended up living together anyway for financial and emotional reasons. (He had just separated from his wife of 25 years of which most of and for sure the last 10 was sexless, he had a separate room). I was recovering from a mental breakdown and really hurting from the end of loving, sexually fulfilling relationship that just wasn’t going to go to the next level. After 4 years, I just had to be honest and said I could not stand him poking at me and he and I can’t blame him feels he cannot live another 10 years of no sex. We are in our 50’s and 60’s. Is this different from what your couples are suffering from? We have decided that I need to leave (the house is his). Now there are many other little things that really irk me about him, he is clingy, suspicious, likes to listen to my conversations etc. etc. lazy (even my 83 year old dad thinks so). Nevertheless the thought of leaving and starting again, we have made a home, I wonder if.. Sorry to go on but I think you get the picture.