Living with my sexless husband was not a happy thing. We became bitter and argumentative and the intimacy and sex just dried up after about 3 years of marriage to become something we did maybe once every 3 months or so. Even then the sex was not good, it was passionless and dull and so technically it was a sexless marriage and almost loveless marriage.

I was lonely, so damned lonely i felt isolated in my own house even though it was just a 2 bedroom apartment. However what I did to try to fix this sexless relationship initially was not good. I am a bit of a panicker you see. When something is wrong I go into a frenzy trying to make it better but often don’t put enough thought into it.

“Ready Fire Aim” my father used to say in reference to my uncanny ability to act before knowing HOW to act!

I went with my initial instincts that I must not be as attractive as I once was and went mad dieting, spending money on new clothes, gym memberships and so forth. I did get in shape but this did not seem to help, in fact it became worse!

I tried then of course to be as seductive as possible. I did every naughty trick in the book i knew to try to turn him on. This worked sometimes but the sex was always lackluster as his heart never seemed to really be in it. I was furious and decided it was not me … it was him.

This of course got me panicked again! It was not my fault then it must ALL be his fault was my way of thinking and that he needed to man up and take control. I started becoming a control freak to somehow goad him into being a man instead of some sexless lump. It was a period i am now thoroughly ashamed of and it led in the end to HIM asking ME for a divorce!

I hope it never goes that far for whoever is reading this. However it did finally open up an avenue of communication that we were both terrible at. While we talked before we never really listened or understood each other in our relationship, life, work and very importantly in bed. It seemed most of the problems stemmed from his extreme inability to communicate his real feelings coupled with an enormous amount of stress which I added to. Many other small things were in there as well but all my poorly aimed strategies

So the moral of this story i guess is to take AIM before firing to find a solution to a sexless husband and a sexless marriage because action without knowledge and planning frequently falls flat on its face. Also make sure you really communicate before you rush to the part about sex because while men may always appear to be up for it if you treat them like a piece of meat without showing them the proper respect for their manhood they switch off just like a woman does when she is not romanced by a guy.

I highly recommend reading “Get him in the mood” which is a downloadable e-book for more on this.

~ Nancy