I once had no sex in marriage for a good two years of my life. No intimacy in marriage and no passion at all and through it all i kept thinking what did I do! How have I changed to make my husband stop desiring me!
Blame, blame and more blame I heaped onto myself and became miserable and self conscious and had extremely low self esteem. I can see now that this made the problem worse though but it did not start like that.
However when I was looking into why my marriage and sex life was falling apart I took my good friend Tony’s advice and did a bit of soul searching before I even got to what my Husbands problems were.
It took some time and some tears in fact but i found two things in myself that I loathed and I could see were making the problem worse.
1. Self Blame
My lack of confidence and my constant terror of any little imperfections in my body. I blamed myself for being fat, I blamed myself for being ugly, I blamed myself for not being perfect enough.
Strange that someone who was blaming herself for a sexless marriage would also nag the hell out of her husband but I did! I became so critical of myself I think i became critical of everything. I felt I was trying so hard and he was doing nothing at all in his job, his appearance and what he did around he house. The thing is I really didn’t CARE that much but I was just so angry and hurt at being rejected in bed and having no sex in marriage, that just I lashed out.
As you can see neither of these things are sexy or desirable traits. I assumed a lot of things about my partners thoughts and it made me a persona that I realize now was not an object of desire and sexuality.
This does not mean that these things caused our sexless relationship but they certainly made things worse and once I knew that some real communication between me and my hubbie could flow which finally fixed our sexless marriage.
So i guess what i am trying to say is: Do not blame yourself, do not get angry at your partner … become a lovable person and you have taken the first step … click here to discover how I learned this