No Sex in Marriage for Years – What Did I Do To Deserve This!
I once had no sex in marriage for a good two years of my life. No intimacy in marriage and no passion at all and through it all i kept thinking what did I do! How have I changed to make my husband stop desiring me!
Blame, blame and more blame I heaped onto myself and became miserable and self conscious and had extremely low self esteem. I can see now that this made the problem worse though but it did not start like that.
However when I was looking into why my marriage and sex life was falling apart I took my good friend Tony’s advice and did a bit of soul searching before I even got to what my Husbands problems were.
It took some time and some tears in fact but i found two things in myself that I loathed and I could see were making the problem worse.
1. Self Blame
My lack of confidence and my constant terror of any little imperfections in my body. I blamed myself for being fat, I blamed myself for being ugly, I blamed myself for not being perfect enough.
2. Nagging
Strange that someone who was blaming herself for a sexless marriage would also nag the hell out of her husband but I did! I became so critical of myself I think i became critical of everything. I felt I was trying so hard and he was doing nothing at all in his job, his appearance and what he did around he house. The thing is I really didn’t CARE that much but I was just so angry and hurt at being rejected in bed and having no sex in marriage, that just I lashed out.
As you can see neither of these things are sexy or desirable traits. I assumed a lot of things about my partners thoughts and it made me a persona that I realize now was not an object of desire and sexuality.
This does not mean that these things caused our sexless relationship but they certainly made things worse and once I knew that some real communication between me and my hubbie could flow which finally fixed our sexless marriage.
So i guess what i am trying to say is: Do not blame yourself, do not get angry at your partner … become a lovable person and you have taken the first step 
… click here to discover how I learned this
~ Nancy
December 24th, 2010 at 5:28 am
The wife and I have been married 43 years and about 25 without sex,love,and intimacy. And previously we had sex about 25 times. I don’t consider or marriage a marriage. Were just friends and thats good we don’t deal with the sex and other emotions. I’am not into porn and don’t have time to be gay. I’am happy the way I’m my life has more important things to do. The wife I haven’t figured out yet, she said she has forgot what sex was. She has stated shes loanly, and depressed and has been for 40 years. Were in our mid 60s now, and why bother to change. We are friends and thats all no more who reside in the same house. Life is good !!!!!!
July 2nd, 2011 at 12:06 am
Good for you guys! It has been about 4.5 years for us. But both of us seem to be fine (it has been brought up a couple of times and a counselor was mentioned) but we never went to one. So it must not be that bad! We are comfortable with each other and maybe sometimes it feels like a roommate situation but we are both fine. Evidently we are after approaching 5 years of no intimacy. Continue enjoying a good life!
October 29th, 2011 at 1:14 am
My issue is that I have not had sex for 15 years and I want to but my gyno says my stuff has shrunk up and it would be very painful any ideas how to get my groove back???
November 3rd, 2011 at 10:18 am
Hi Val,
I am sure you can. Your vagina is very flexible but you will need to help it along a bit if you have not had sex in some time.
This article here explains a few things hat mighth help.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sex/AN00951