A lack of intimacy in marriage does not just start and end with sexual frustration and a cold marital bed. There are also many other far reaching consequences to your ongoing relationship and also your health.
Intimacy does not always mean sexual intimacy I must also add but for most people without sex intimacy becomes much harder to achieve, much less passionate when it does happen and that intimacy starts to fade to nothingness over time. Think how often you simply touch each other or gaze at each other and compare that to periods of higher sexual activity and you will find they are intertwined and linked to sexual fulfillment with each other which is the ultimate intimate bond.
However, back to the point at hand.
From my talks with other sexless husbands and sexless wives in marriages without intimacy and sex there are a number of problems that arise form this that goes beyond the stupid stereotype of the Husband “not getting any” which is often seen as something comedic when it is really tragic.
- More Arguments - Arguments and friction become a much more common occurrence when intimacy in yoru marriage is lacking. A missing bond of empathy that is formed from being as close as you can be and caring about the other persons desires tends to make both people in a marriage grumpier and less willing to make concessions when discussing things.
- Less Desire to Help – This can go even further when resentment from either partner starts to infiltrate their thinking. Those feeling neglected think they should withhold some other forms of help from their wife or husband and the one who is rejecting their spouse often stops trying to help because they feel pressured.
- Divorce - As you can see from the previous points this is not a healthy relationship. I could list numerous other relationship problems but the main points of resentment and lack of connection are covered and this can lead to a complete disintegration of a marriage from lack of intimacy. I know and I was quite near this myself but luckily managed to pull back from the brink.
- Stress – This is something I personally believe is a huge health problem and psychological problem. The stress of feeling isolated and uncared for and unloved again is sometimes shown as the butt of jokes but in reality this can lead to many health problems. Stress lowers your immune system making it easier to become ill and long periods of stress can lead to many mental issues which can just feed back into a loveless marriage making it even worse.
- Depression – Though I never felt I became clinically depressed i have spoken to men who felt so trapped and terrible from their loss of intimacy they had sunk to terrible lows where they had lost jobs, taken up drinking or drugs and one had openly discussed suicide with me which I am thankful to say never happened but the prospect was very scary to hear.
While not all sexless marriages go through all of these things you can see the slow and steady decline that can happen to many men and women who invest so much into a marriage and then have their marriage fall apart around them. While this may feel like a depressing thing to write about my aim was to bring attention perhaps to those who are just noticing a lack of intimacy in their marriage to bring a long term view to their problems not to depress …. but to motivate.
This is because i firmly believe that every sexless marriage can be saved and the passion and closeness can be rediscovered if you take the time to do it. This requires sacrifice and change and the patience of a saint but the results are more worth it than you can sometimes imagine when you are stuck in such a situation.
At whatever stage you may be at in your relationship without intimacy please remember there is no hole so deep you cannot climb out of but if you do not arrest your fall it can get a lot worse.